Learning, Loving and Adapting

Wow, I have had a hard time finding time to post here. Ruslan as well as work has been keeping me really busy. Ken is busy at work also and we are trying to juggle those responsibilities as well as our parenting ones.

Amazing strides are occurring everyday. Mamichka has learned a lot more about Ruslan and how to keep him happy and he responds with love and affection. He no longer cringes when Mama tries to kiss or hug him. In fact, he really seems to enjoy when Mama runs her fingers through his hair or hugs him. The other night, Ken had a late evening meeting and Mama was left alone with Ruslan again. He wanted her to give him a bath, then he wanted to cuddle with her in front of the T.V. watching American Idol. He fell asleep in Mama's embrace. As he was being carried to bed, he woke up and wanted to say prayers and kiss and hug goodnight.

Ruslan has started to talk baby talk over the last several days and wants Mama to change him (even though we know he can change himself). We indulge him in this because we think it is a way of him letting down his guard and letting Mama get closer to him.

Yesterday, Mama bought Ruslan a razor scooter, with helmet, knee pads and elbow pads. Boy, was there one happy boy. He didn't take the helmet or pads off all day. Ruslan loves being outside and is particularly happy playing with anything with wheels. He loves to drive around with Mama and is constantly giving her driving tips (a real backseat driver). He also insists on opening the door for Mama and makes sure she is seated before he gets in and buckles himself into his car seat. He also jumps out of his car seat as soon as the car stops, so that he can open door for Mama. Not sure where he has learned this chivalry, but it is very cute. He takes care of Mama and Mama takes care of him.

Ruslan gets very excited when Papa comes home at night. He loves to rough house with Papa. It is good because we have found that a little exertion after dinner helps to keep him in bed a little longer in the morning. Hence, how I am writing this blog and getting a little time to myself.

Heart Break Through

Tonight my boy told me he loved me! Even though I posted early today, I had to post this one, too. It was a real break through for Mamichka. For a while, Ruslan has been rejecting Mama and favoring Papa. Mama tells Ruslan that she loves him several times a day, but he usually says something about it that we can’t understand. Mama has still reassured him that she loves him, nonetheless. He allows Mama to kiss him good-night, but with a little bit of a cringe; a little stiffly he allows a hug; but Papa he wraps himself around and gives a kiss without any prompting. Tonight, that all changed. Early in the evening, Ruslan had a sliver in his hand. He started to show Mama, but then decided better to bypass her and show Papa. Mama was hurt. Papa said “You should show that to Mama,” but Mama had had enough and got up to leave the room crying. Ruslan ran after her and hugged her legs. She bent down and held him for a while, until she stopped crying. Then he reached up his little hand with the sliver and she took him over to the light to examine and fix it. Later in the evening, Papa fell asleep and was out cold when bath time arrived, so it was left to Mama. Ruslan asked for Papa, but was stuck with Mama alone for bath and bedtime routine (so far Mama and Papa have been doing it as a team). After the book reading part, we usually say prayers then it’s kiss and hug time. At that point tonight, Ruslan grabbed Mama’s neck and hugged her tightly, he kissed her on the cheek without prompting and said (in English), “I love you, Mama.” Mama said, “I love you too, Baby, “ “Ya tebya lyublyu!” Then he said, (in English) “Good-night.”

The Real Journey Begins

We have been home since late Wednesday night (April 18th). Our friends, Toni and Wayne picked us up at the airport and delivered us to our door around 11:00PM. Ruslan got very excited when he recognized the front door (from the pictures we had left with him previously). He started doing a little jig. After he walked into the front door, he was very impressed to see the picture of the three of us on the desk in the hallway (the picture we took on our first visit, finally legal to post – see above). He quickly noticed all the pictures of him around the house, including the prominently displayed paintings he made for us. Most of all he loved his own room and the toys he found in the toy boxes in the dining room. He wanted to stay up playing all night, but fatigue got the better of all of us. In fact, the fatigue from jet lag has plagued us the last couple of days. (Mama and Ruslan have been getting up around 5:30AM and getting very tired mid-day)

We have slowly been introducing Ruslan to our home, the neighborhood and our friends. He seems to be adapting well and we are very proud of his positive nature. Every day he learns a little more English and we learn a little more Russian. It is a very interesting situation. Yesterday, we met our Russian neighbors (just two doors down). Ruslan was out in the back playing “football” (soccer) with our friend Alon, and they (the Russian neighbors) heard Ruslan yelling in Russian (at his normal volume), so they came out to see who it was. We talked to them again this morning and their 14 yr old son may be interested in doing some babysitting for Ruslan over the summer. That would give Mama a chance to go to the gym, and get a little downtime.

Ruslan continues to test his boundaries, which is very challenging for “Mamichka,” (as he affectionately calls me), and for “Papka,” (as he also calls Ken). We call him Ruslanchik, his Russian nickname.
My sister, Mary visited yesterday (as she was in town on business). She had a good laugh (since she is the proud mother of my teenage niece, Keilan and college age nephew, Ryan), as she witnessed a typical defiant moment during lunch. She was happy to see that our parenting challenges are in full swing and we are able to experience all the joys of parenting. “Ruslan Rachko” pronounced by him with heavy emphasis on the rolling r’s is growing in our hearts a little more every day. (The following pic was taken at the Moscow zoo, April 17, 2007)

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On Our Way Home!!!!

We are finally on our way home today, Wednesday, April 18th! We can not wait to be on familiar territory and see our home and sleep in our bed. Ruslan is equally as excited, although we are sure he has no idea what to really expect.

Monday we went to the American Embassy and filed for Ruslan's visa for entry into the U.S. It was a very interesting experience. There were about 15 other families there. Only one other was in Ruslan's age range. A little girl, 5 yrs old going to LA with her new parents. All the rest were under 3 yrs of age. The parents of the little 5 yr old girl said that she hasn't said one word to them in the 5 days they have had here. Boy, it is sure true when they told us that all kids respond differently depending on their personalities. Ruslan hasn't stopped talking. He gets a little quiet when there are other Russian people talking to us, but other than that he is very talkative, loud and rambunctious (sp?). He seems to be very positive about the whole experience, yet we can tell that it is a challenge for him from his defiant behavior. He challenges us at every turn. It is very difficult for us to maintain positive discipline. He pushes every button. This is when we could really use better language skills. We are praying for our patience and love to show through.

Well, you should not expect to get another post from us from Russia. The next ones will be from our home. Praise God!

Honeymoon Period

Well a couple of days have passed and we think the honeymoon period may be over. We have heard that for some children it can last for months. I guess our son is a fast learner in this regard as well. Anyway, we have had a few meltdowns and definite rebellion from Ruslan on almost anything we want him to do (eat, sleep, get dressed, wash up, hold our hand, etc.) We are pretty sure he has upped his level of testing us. On the bright side, he has started letting us hold and cuddle him a little and doesn’t pull away when we hug or kiss him. We tell him often that we love him and are trying to show him with our actions. Communication is the biggest challenge, but we think it better to struggle along rather than get someone to translate for us. Our translator was developing a stronger bond with him that he was with us, so I don’t think that having someone intervene is very helpful in the long run. Right now we are not pushing much English on Ruslan, we know that he will get bombarded with it when we hit U.S soil, so we are just giving him time to acquaint with us.

Yesterday we arrived in Moscow. Wow, how exciting for Ruslan. We hired a driver to bring us because the train was full. It was a nice choice. The highway from Yaroslavl to Moscow is definitely a lot better than the one from Yaroslavl to Rybinsk. The driver had a nice SUV and we were quite comfortable. It was nice to be able to enjoy the countryside. We stopped at a very interesting Russian cottage that was open to the public. The people there were dressed in traditional Russian garb and sang some songs for the crowd. We were able to go inside and look at the construction of the log cabin and browse the souvenirs.

As we drove into Moscow, Ruslan was very impressed with all the nice buildings and bridges, he kept remarking how beautiful Moscow was. As we got stuck in traffic he fell asleep until we arrived at our apartment. Our apartment is beautiful, very spacious with all the conveniences. We have a beautiful view over Moscow and can see the Kremlin from our window. We are on the 22nd floor of a high-rise apartment overlooking Novy Arbat street. Novy Arbat seems to us to be a cross between Broadway in New York and the Las Vegas strip. There are many nice shops, restaurants, coffee bars (hoorah!) and casinos. The skateboarders and roller skaters are out in force in the evening on the wide sidewalk.

Our apartment has a very large tile tub (almost a small swimming pool). Ruslan enjoyed his bath, practicing his breaststroke and backstroke. He told us he wants to take up swimming as his sport. He also seems to be good at gymnastics and has showed us a few of his moves. We are quite amazed that he seems to be a good dancer. Not sure where he learned the moves, but he dances sort of like the teens back home.
Today we visited Krasnaya Ploshid (Red Square) (about a 20 minute walk from our apartment). Ruslan was excited to see it, but wanted to return to our apartment soon after getting there. He had enough patience for a few choice photos and lunch at the GUM shopping mall, but that was it. Right now, he is listening to some Russian children’s music CD’s while he puts together some puzzles. We are waiting for the Doctor to arrive to do Ruslan’s physical report for the U.S. Embassy, then tomorrow (hopefully) we will apply for his American visa. If all goes well, we should get it Tuesday and be on our plane home on Wednesday. We all can’t wait. Ruslan told us that he likes Moscow, but is anxious to get to America. See you all soon! Love, Ken, Elaine and Ruslan Rachko

Crash Course

Our crash course in parenting has begun. We are doing our best to establish a routine and boundaries and express our love and care with our new son. He is really a character and quite an amazing little person. We are very impressed with his bravery and positive nature. He is very happy to be a family boy. He has had a constant smile on his face and is always teasing and playing (even when we are trying to do something serious). It doesn’t seem to bother him one bit that we can’t understand much of what he is saying. He just chatters away incessantly (or sings – on our way home from the park today, he sang a song that lasted for about ½ mile). He is definitely a very verbal child. I am pretty sure he is extroverted. (Ken now has two chatterboxes to listen to and says he doesn’t understand either but just for different reasons!). It is a little embarrassing when we are in the park or a store with other Russians. He calls out to us in Russian and we respond in English. You can imagine we are getting many funny looks. Ruslan loves to say “Mama,” and “Papa.” So, he does it a lot.

We are also getting a crash course in Russian. We have learned a lot in the last 24 hours. “Ne boo doo,” particularly. It means, I don’t want that or something similar. He complains about some of what we have served him to eat, but nonetheless will eventually eat or drink it anyway, so long as he knows he has no other options. He would definitely eat sweets 24/7 if given half a chance. We know that he is testing us somewhat to see what he can get away with; so we are trying to establish our parental role upfront.

One part of being a parent is the love and affection you show to your child. Ruslan definitely has a problem accepting this from us. He was taught at the orphanage how to give us a hug and kiss at the appropriate times (upon greeting and saying goodbye), but he cringes when we spontaneously want to hug, kiss or cuddle him. He hasn’t had this type of affection before, so he just doesn’t know what to do with it. We think he will eventually come around, and will be patient and loving with him until he does. I will share an example of what happened the other day at the park. Ruslan was playing with another boy a little bigger and more aggressive than he. The other boy kept jumping on him and pushing him. Ruslan kept up with him and didn’t complain. At one point the boy grabbed Ruslan and walked him into a pole, before we had a chance to intervene. I heard Ruslan’s head bang against the pole. I ran to him to comfort him. He just pushed me away. It was obvious that he was hurt, but he didn’t cry and didn’t expect or want any comfort from me. This part of our parenting exerience is a little painful (for Mama especially.)

Ruslan is a very industrious child. He loves to keep busy, is curious about everything and wants to be involved in everything. He has been helping us around the flat with chores, cooking, setting the table, sweeping, & hanging out laundry. He loves to play games, so far we have played dominoes and chess (but he definitely has his own set of rules – we are wondering: Are they Russian rules or just Ruslan rules???). We have tried doing some English lessons with him. He is a little resistant, but just like everything else, he comes around. He most definitely loves to play outside and hasn’t found a playground yet that he didn’t like. He mostly likes to run, jump or climb; walking calmly (?), nyet, not high on the list. Mama and Papa are already losing weight from all the exercise.

Hooray! for Family Day!

Today is April 9, 2007. This is the day we officially became a family! Our translator, Lena went to court today to pick up our official court decree from the judge. We were supposed to go with her, but the judge called her early in the morning and told her to come right then, since he had another appointment at the time we were scheduled for. No matter, when Lena came for us she already had the decree in hand. Then we went off to the registrar’s office to register our documents. It is all final and official. No one can contest anymore.

Some people would call this our “Gotcha day,” but we decided that we don’t like that term, so we will use “Family Day.” As we wait for Lena to finish up some paperwork and set up a time for us to go and get our sweet little boy for good, we are discussing some things we might like to do in the future on “Family Day.” We will probably like to do something to celebrate Russian heritage and to celebrate family.

We have Ruslan’s clothes and the final gifts for the orphanage workers all packed. It is snowing outside. We are waiting again. We just found out that we will not be able to go get Ruslan till tommorrow since our social worker was sick and pre-prepared our documents with tommorrow's date on it. Since no one is in the office to change the date, so we have to wait. Oh, well, it's what we are good at. At least for now.

To bide our time, we went to use the internet and have thoroughly enjoyed your posts. Thanks to all of you who were able to send us an email. I have been trying to send individual responses, but for some reason this computer won't let us do that. After we get Ruslan tommorrow, I am not sure how much time we will have to make replies, since we will have to go all the way down to the internet cafe to do that (right now we use Lena's computer across the street from our apartment).

Easter Resurrection

Today is Easter! A time of new life! Even though it has gotten much colder in the last week here in Russia, you can see signs of spring everywhere. The little buds on the trees and bushes; a feeling in the air. Wow, we are reflecting today on how true that is for us. We don’t have our little boy with us today, but in just a couple of days we will have him forever. That is truly a resurrection, and will be a whole new life for us.

We are looking at Ruslan’s schedule and realizing how important it will be to keep him on a similar schedule once he is with us. That in itself will be a big challenge for us.

Just a little while ago, Ken and I went for our Easter treat to McDonald’s for a good cappuccino and pastry. Believe it or not, they have a very nice coffee bar there, similar to our Starbucks back home. (In general, coffee is a bit lacking here. Most Russians drink instant.) As we were sitting at Mc Donald’s, we were practicing our Russian and realizing that although we know what seems like a lot of words, it is a drop in the bucket to understanding anyone who really speaks Russian. When we talk to Ruslan in Russian, he gives us a very funny look, kind of like he is saying, “Oh Mom, how pitiful.” I always ask him if he understands me, and he says, “Da,” but looks a little disgusted anyhow. This new life will be very challenging for a while. We ache to be able to understand what he says to us. We hope and pray that his positive nature will see him through.

Easter Greetings!

Just want to wish all of you a Happy Easter. We are missing home very much can't wait to get back. We really appreciate the emails we have received, because it is like a touch of home. Please feel free to send a note, if you can.

We are learning more and more about our boy. We thought he was a quiet studious type, but we have come to find out that, that was just him being shy with us at first. We notice how he interacts with other children at the orphanage and how he is with other children at the playground. He is very friendly and outgoing. In fact, we were told he is one of the leaders at the orphanage. I think he can be quite feisty. He has started to boss Mama around a little, so I can see we will have our hands full with him. He doesn't like to walk anywhere, he likes to run. Tons of energy to burn.

We miss him already, since we have moved over to an apartment in Yaroslavl. We have displaced a mother and son, while they go to stay with their grandparents nearby. They will make a little extra money renting their apartment to us. It is great because there is a small boy's room for Ruslan to sleep in and some toys they said he could play with. The flat is simple, but clean and cozy so perfect for us. It is also close to the center of town, so we can walk to everywhere.

We look forward to going to church tommorrow, Easter Sunday. There are no Catholic churches here, so we will be going to Russian Orthodox church with our translator. No problem, since Ken is somewhat familiar with the routine there. We have much to be grateful for this Easter. Praise God!

Happy Boy!

Today we had a conversation with one of the orphanage personnel who told us that Ruslan is so excited to come with us that he is having a hard time sleeping. She said that usually he has no trouble taking his afternoon nap, but he told her that lately he can’t stop thinking about what lays before him; the time we will be in Yaroslavl, the train ride and trip to Moscow, the long plane ride home, not to mention his new life in America. She also said that he can’t stop talking about his Mom and Dad. He brags about us all the time to his teachers and the other kids in the orphanage. “My mom this…; and my dad that…” She said that he thinks we are terrific. He is one happy boy. He is just a little afraid that we might change our minds about him, so he wants us to come and get him soon. He knows that we are waiting for some paperwork to be completed, but she said that he asks everyday, why the paperwork is not done yet.

We are overwhelmed with gratitude to learn about all this. Even though we are a little nervous every time before we have a meeting with Ruslan, we always end up with such a good feeling when we see him. He is just so darn cute and engaging. We have been worried about the language barrier, because he just chatters away at us and we don’t have a clue what he is saying. He doesn’t seem to get frustrated, but we have a feeling that day will come. Right now he is so curious about everything. The last time he was over here at the apartment, he had to snoop around every room, turning on and off the light switches and touching everything we would let him touch. Every thing is so new and he is enjoying every minute of his new discoveries. We asked him if he was afraid, and he says very confidently, “no, of course not.”

Because his world has been so small, we know that we will have to protect him for awhile until he aclimates to the new culture. This will truly be a huge transition for him.

Today, we got to see him again and took him to the park just outside the apartment. He started playing with another boy about his age. For a time, papa and mama were left in the dust; but we soon started to interject ourselves into their play to not be left out. The other little boy couldn't quite understand why we weren't talking much. Ruslan was trying to explain to him, when he realized that we spoke English. This other little boy also knew some English that he had been learning in school, so he started to talk to us. Ruslan was not happy about it. He quickly ran to me and hugged me around my legs. I realized that he is still insecure about our love. I think he didn't want the other boy to take over our affections. He started to pull us away and wanted us to go home.

I can't wait to be with our little guy 24/7. It does seem like this is taking a long time; but of course, what else should I have expected. Our 10 day wait period should be up this Friday (Good Friday), but the court has decided they can't issue our decree until Monday. The passport office won't be open Monday, so we won't be able to get Ruslan until Tuesday. Ugh! We leave Rybinsk on Saturday morning and will have a couple of days in Yaroslavl by ourselves. Hopefully, we will get a driver to take us to visit Ruslan on Monday. It is getting closer to when we will be a true family. We hope to be able to express to Ruslan how much we love him so that he won't have to worry or be insecure about it.

Best Birthday Ever!

Today, Palm Sunday, April 01, 2007 was my best birthday ever. We went to church in the morning and participated in a 3 hour service. A very nice man and neighbor of Michelle, Sasha agreed to translate for us. The pastor, Yuri gave a very inspiring sermon. Toward the end, I was blessed along with the pastor and another parishioner who have birthdays in April. The woman who instigated the birthday blessings did not know that it was my birthday, so she started to honor the other two. One of the other parishioners who was invited to my party later in the day mentioned that it was my birthday also, so the woman added me to the group. When she gave me a birthday package, she told me that for some reason she knew she had to make 3 packages, but didn’t know who the 3rd person would be. God must have told her to include the 3rd gift.

Then we headed back to Michelle’s apartment and waited for Ruslan and Olya to show up. They called us on the phone when they arrived so that we could wave at them out the window. Then Ruslan ran up the stairs (3 flights) very excited to see us again. He was a little shy at first, but warmed up in a brief time. He had made a gift for me; it was a shadow box with a paper vase with flowers. Very beautiful! We took him outside to play in a nearby park with another little 5 yr old girl named Leeza. She is the daughter of the pastor, who came back to spend the day with Michelle and us. Michelle and Olya stayed behind to get dinner ready, whilst we went off with the children.

Ruslan really enjoyed the park. They had really good play structures, something they don’t have at the Detsky Dom (orphanage). Ruslan had so much fun zooming down the big slide. He came backwards, feet first, head first, hands first, every which way; laughing all the way. He climbed up on everything with no fear at all. What a bundle of energy! He was very nice to Leeza and tried to include her, but she just couldn’t keep up with him. He played very easily with other kids in the playground. Then, I spotted a small carnival on the other side of the park. We walked over and rode on a few little rides.

When we made it back to the apartment, we were greeted with a boisterous chorus of “Happy Birthday” in Russian. The whole apartment was decorated with balloons and a big homemade H-A-P-P-Y B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y sign. Another friend from church, Rita came to join us for dinner. Michelle served up some homemade pizza, but Ruslan was having nothing to do with it. Apparently he had never had pizza before, and wasn’t about to start today. Instead Michelle made him some hotdogs. He ate 6 of them, along with a banana. Wow! I guess we have our food bill cut out for us.

After dinner, I was initiated into a Russian birthday custom. Everyone gets to ask the birthday person a personal question. They asked what was my favorite birthday ever, what was my funniest birthday and have I ever celebrated a foreign birthday. After I shared my birthday stories, everyone went around the circle giving a word to describe me. It was a wonderful form of affirmation. They went around the circle several times. When it came to Ruslan’s turn, he used these adjectives for me: “beautiful,” “caring,” and “gentle.” I almost cried. I will also share the words Ken used: “strong,” “fun-loving,” and “perseverance.” My new friends used: “attractive,” “people-loving,” “brave,” and “hospitality.” It was a great custom that I think we shall adopt for our future birthday celebrations.

Next, the kids went into the kitchen with Michelle to get the cake, homemade chocolate with white frosting, my favorite! They came back carrying the lighted cake and singing Happy Birthday once again in Russian. Ruslan was all set to help me blow the candles on the count of three. He has quite a strong lung capacity. Then, we had tea, coffee and cake. I was shocked to discover that Ruslan likes tea (with lots of sugar mind you). We will have to break him of that habit, or at least move him into a decaffeinated variety. With the cake, cookies, candy and tea he had today, I feel sorry for the staff at the detsky dom tonight. He was already bouncing off the walls without those toxic additions.

Unfortunately, the evening drew to an end and we called a cab to take Ruslan back to detsky dom, loaded with balloons for the other kids. Olya went with us, so she could make sure he got safely back inside, since they won’t let Ken and I on the base anymore. Apparently our guest passes have expired and they won’t renew them. We said our good-byes. It was sad to see him go. Soon, my love, you won’t have to go back any more.

Today, I know that I am very blessed.