Learning to Love

This unique parenting situation we are in is giving us lots of opportunity to learn about love. When we brought this special little person into our home, we loved him as you could love a stranger. The type of love you have for all the children of the world; very different from the type of love you have for a familiar face. There was much to learn about each other, much to experience. Some of the experiences we have had over the past month have been very hard, hurtful and challenging. As I take a moment to ponder, I am thinking now that probably the worst is over (the worst for this stage of the journey, anyway). Now we are entering a whole new phase.

I was at the gym the other morning when Ruslan was at school. One of the other patrons there, a virtual stranger to me asked me if I had recently fallen in love, she said I had a glow about me. I was a little taken back by the comment, but responded after a moment to reflect that “Yes, in fact I am falling in love.” I was just very surprised that it showed. There is a tenderness growing between Mother and son that comes from the growing confidence that we will be there for each other. I am doing my best to respond to his needs, he is feeling more confident about that. Ruslan also tries to take care of his Mama. He opens the car door for her, helps with whatever he can (bringing in groceries, etc.), but mostly gives her kisses and hugs and great big smiles. He is also getting used to the routine we have established and knows more what to expect. That is helping him to feel more stable.

At this time, the weariness from the upheaval in my life is also fading away. I am getting a little time to myself while Ruslan is at school and it is helping me to feel much more refreshed. I am finding a little quiet time for prayer and exercise, some things definitely needed to keep up the pace. I also put in my resignation at work this week. I am feeling a relief from that decision. I have waited far too long for this little guy to mess up now. I don’t want to have any regrets; I want to enjoy my motherhood fully. My work situation was causing me too much stress. I read the signs that the Lord was putting before me and will move on. I am sure that as doors close, others will open. I have confidence that the Lord will provide as he always does. This is definitely an exciting time for us; a time for learning more about His love.